Pregnancy Etiquette for Friends of Expectant Parents

There are many reasons why expectant mothers do not immediately tell friends that they are pregnant until their first trimester is completed. A percentage of pregnancies end in miscarriages during the 1st trimester. However, not a lot of people understand this.

When parents are expecting and want to keep it in, they will remain mum until the time is right. No one but the parents should be the judge of determining when to tell others. However, there are lots of giveaways in the 1st trimester such as bigger breasts (unless you've been keeping a close watch on your friend's breasts, it shouldn't be that obvious), drinkers not drinking, coffee drinkers ordering decaf, sashimi lovers suggesting a another restaurant other than Japanese, and so forth. As mentioned, there are many reasons why parents choose to stay mum. But most expectant parents would have a sharp friend who would pick up these signals. What's unfortunate would be if the friend is someone who cannot keep their trap shut.

I have seen many of my friends get busted by some know-it-all at dinners who doesn't have the courtesy and etiquette to ask questions such as 'Are you pregnant?' privately, and to let the subject go when the parents stammer one excuse after another awkwardly.

I did not experience these situations as the expectant parent myself but something of the same nature happened to us. My husband told his paddling team about my pregnancy, and immediately, someone from his team texted my teammate to reveal the baby news. What's weird is that the person who did the texting were frenemies with the person he texted to and they don't talk often or even like each other. Of course, my teammate texted others right away before confirming with me about the news. Anyway, that really took the joy out of me sharing the news with others, thanks to these thunder-stealing acquaintances.

There are some things where it's not appropriate to race to be the first to tell everyone, and someone else's pregnancy is one of them.

Leg Cramps

Since my 2nd trimester, I've been having the occasional double leg cramps in the middle of the night. They've been bearable and I managed to suffer silently and wait until the cramp subsides and fall asleep again.

Last night, I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night to my leg cramps again. Except this time, I was in AGONY! I sprung up in bed and started yelling at Ed to punch my calves. It was SOOOOOO painful that I was in tears and I couldn't even move to try to stretch it a bit. Ed had no idea what was going on and he was thinking of taking me to the hospital because he thought it was my tummy cramps. I was like 'No, no! I have leg cramps I need you to squeeze my calves!!' since I couldn't reach beyond my knees.

He started working on one leg and I was yelling 'Both! They both hurt!' He started working each leg with one hand and I yelled 'Need 2 hands each, harder! HURRY UP!' Poor guy!

That was the worst case of leg cramps I've ever experienced and it lasted only about 5 minutes.

The next day, I started reading up on preventing pregnancy leg cramps so that I don't have to go through that ever again. Maybe it's a taste of what labour is like.

Ed and I will be doing some leg stretches before going to bed (drinking milk before bed for calcium boost helps too). I should stop sitting crossed legged because it's not good for me and the blood circulation but I can't help it because usually at work or at home, that is the only position I feel comfortable in. I also have a bad habit of sitting with one feet up on the chair but my mom scolds me for not being lady-like and that the position opens up the cervix. Not sure how true that is.

[update - January 31, 2010] since this post, I've had 2 heart ripping agonizing leg cramps in the middle of the night.

Building my own crib bedding set accomplished

This was what I bought in place of a crib bedding set. This is purely for the crib and not the nursery. I am comparing this to the original 4 piece Kidsline organic set I saw over the holidays that retails for $230. It includes dust ruffle, comforter, bumper and one fitted sheet.

The list below are my recent purchases, and I can only give an opinion based on the looks and feel. I do not have a crib yet so I cannot comment on its functionality. These items are bought from the usual baby stores at their holiday price.

Kushies Organic Crib Fitted Sheets in Mocha and Sage ($20 each)

The feel is a softer than the other organic sheets that I've felt. The colour of the sheets are the same as the bag. Elasticized for fitting and sized to allow shrinkage.

Carter's Crib Bumper in Sage ($36)

Being a fan of Carter's, I was excited to see that they made bumpers as well and they are good at it too! This bumper is thicker than the ones that come with crib bedding sets and is noticeably softer because it is velour (goes well with the fuzzy dice hanging in baby's love shack). The dotted texture adds a nice touch too. This is my favourite purchase of everything that's listed here.

Natures Purest Sleepy Safari Organic Velour Cow ($28)

I was a bit hesitant on this purchase because it costs $28. I have bought blankets from Target and Carters from the Seattle Premium outlet for less than half the cost. This was definitely a splurge and I don't want to return it since it was bought from TJ's online and I didn't want to deal with the internet guys. However, it's quite soft and thin and Ed wants to keep it for baby. Our baby will be born close to summer so a comforter would be too thick anyway and I noticed that most of our friends' babies tend to kick off the comforter. Perhaps it's too heavy or hot. This blanket also comes in the design of an elephant and safari.

Total purchase in place of a crib set - $104 (I got an extra fitted sheet instead of the dust ruffle). Savings of $126. You can definitely add other things to match your crib set such as pillow, basket liner, changing pad cover, and window shades.

Baby Kicks Harder

Tonight Ed and I felt harder kicks from baby. It was quite exciting as I can start to see the movement of my belly on the outside.

Mommy Brain gets Distracted by $240 Deers and Bunnies

I must admit that now I am getting into the 'decorative' mode and I realize how parents can drop money into building their nursery. I used to say that an empty cardboard box would be perfect for a crib and adding a rope to it can turn it into a stroller. But that quickly became 'Honey, what theme should we have for baby's room?'

For those that are curious, I have an answer to my own question. The theme will be earth colours (with a hint of my own favourite colours, I am the one carrying baby for 9 months, afterall) - mint, light browns, beige, tan and baby blues. It's easier to put blue in a girl's room than pink in a boy's room.

One of the first things I saw were crib sets. They range from $150 - $270 for 4 or 6 piece set. I had my eye on the Kidsline sets, the designs are clean, but mainly eyeing the Bunny Meadows and Willow (their organic line) sets. On the left is Bunny Meadows, how could you say no to cute rabbits? It costs $230.

My other choice is Willow in similar colours with a deer design. It is similarly priced as well.

Is it worth it to pay $230+ for a crib set which includes bumper, fitted sheet, comforter/quilt and the dust ruffle?

In my opinion, the answer is no. The bumpers that I've seen in crib sets are usually made with a rougher feeling cotton, and thinner than I would like for a 'bumper'. If there's a good reason for it, please let me know. As for the dust ruffle, I don't need it, baby doesn't need it so it's just for esthetics.

My next task is to build my own crib set for less than $200.

Happy New Year!

I wish everyone a prosperous 2010 and lots of babies. Actually no, I'm not excited that there's a baby boom coming up. Thinking about finding a daycare centre now is giving me a headache!